December 26, 2012

December 26, 2012 Thoughts 2

Was reading an old post here tonight.  I was talking to a friend who works as a trainer, who is great at it, and just loves every part of fitness and what it brings to life.  We have these long philosophical conversations that usually start of being about the gym, but then end up going all over the place.  "If I want to move something, I just pick it up and move it. I don't have to wait for help".  That's how it started tonight.

But I got to thinking about how much I love how I feel.  It feels awesome, literally awesome. My peers are going gray, are in terrible shape, and need several cups of coffee to get up in the morning. My energy is as high as when I was a teenager, I can do anything "physical" for hours, my body even when I'm bulked is still harder than 99% of the male population.  I never have to worry about being overpowered, or not being up to a physical task.    I look closer to 24 than 31.  I love this feeling, because nobody gave it to me.  I worked my ass off to get where I am.    I wrote the post I referenced in the first sentence of this post about a year and a half ago.  It's true.  So true to this day.  I don't need validation from anyone anymore; and the thing is I barely and I mean barely needed it before I started down this path, and now it is just vapor. I am entirely self-driven at this point.   I want to do something with my life that I enjoy for a career, and so I am. I want more free cash, so I restarted my IT & Web Design consulting business.   No second thoughts, no intimidation.

The gym, or maybe just physical fitness in general, teaches you that outside of the gym others can impact your progress, but that within the gym it's 100% you.  But here's the thing, if you progress far enough, and you'll know when you get there, it'll dawn on you.  Others can effect your goals outside of the gym, but they can't stop you.  They can be barriers or impediments.  You can be a deaf wrecking ball that decimates the obstacles and walls they throw up for you.  Be sure to listen to advice, but if you find someone discouraging you, there's a 99% chance they're doing it because they don't want you to exceed them.  Society functions by pulling everyone back to the median.  But not me. Not us.   You want to achieve something in life? You know how you get there?  You fucking do it.  You get up and take the first step, if you don't know what the first step is, you get up and FIND OUT what it is.

I love my life right now.  I love the city I live in. I love that I'm seeking out a new challenge in restarting my IT business.  I'll let you guess how many shits I give about people who comment on my sources of income.  I'm self-made, because I made myself, if that makes sense.  If it makes sense to you, then you 'get it' or you're well on your way to true independence.   I don't look at challenges as frustrations or obstacles anymore, I look at them as another step to conquer on my path to get where I want to be in life.    I don't care about the validation of others, or even their support.  If you do support me somehow, great, but if you don't support my goals, then stand on the sidelines of my life, where you belong.

Case in point: I have someone in my family/life that loves taking shots at everything I do. Whether it's trading stocks for money on the side, becoming a psychologist, running my own IT consulting business, moving to Boston (my favorite city on Earth). They need to constantly take shots, usually passive aggressively at me.  I used to take it to heart for a long time. Why wasn't what I was doing good enough? I was happy, I wasn't starving, why didn't they care? Then one day I realized it was making me angry that they kept taking passive-aggressive jabs, trying to tear down with words what I was trying to build up with actual effort. Then I realized, it's any time I try to make a positive step in my life, each stone along that path was stenciled with jabs from this person.

Now? Thy're more of an annoyance. I don't care. I don't need their validation. I'm living, I love my life. That's the point  OF life. If you're reading this and your sad, or unhappy, or miserable and say "well at least I have xyz" WHY do you want that thing if you're miserable.  Happiness has intrinsic value, your drive has intrinsic value. Some shitty corner-office job where you get a great paycheck, an ulcer, and a reduced quality of life? Nothing there, man.   So why in the bloody blue fuck would I make myself less happy to get a job or a career that someone else thinks I should have? To try and fit myself into the mold that someone else wants me to be, when they clearly don't care if it makes me happy or not, only how it reflects on them. Why would I care what someone who hasn't done anything in 15 years thinks about someone who is trying to do something with their life every day? I wouldn't. I don't.  Now stop wasting my time, I have work to do. 

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