December 22, 2012

December 20, 2012 Creatine: The Silent Killer

The loading portion of this is completely unnecessary, but I think this breaks down how/what creatine does in the most clear, easy to understand way I've seen.  


and just because:


>driving
>full bag of creatine about the size of 2 big clenched fists hidden under my car seat
>gotta get home
>hear sirens
>look in rear view mirror to see police
>the car follows me and flashes me to pull over
>die a little
>I pull to the side
>cop car pulls to the side
>see officer getting papers or whatever while inside his car
>getting mad and nervous
>bend forward and lightly punch my door in anger
>see the bag of creatine I hid under the seat
>panic a little, cops in this area are notorious for searches
>processing a solution
>too much creatine to eat
>cop gets out of car
>ohshitohshit.jpg
>everything feels in slow motion
>squeeze the bag of creatine in my hand out of rage
>cop getting closer
>shove hand down pants and try to jam the bag up my butt
>cop near the car
>push it up as far as possibly, fighting through the pain and tightness
>try to relax and push but cop is nearing the window
>stop shoving and pull out hand just as cop looks into the window
>cop asks me to roll it down
>act natural and do what he says
>tells me to step out of car
>open door, feel intense butt pain upon first step
>take one more step
>tells me I was speeding and asks for my license, registration
>pull out license from wallet in pocket
>the registration is inside the car
>rage inside hard
>get it from the glove compartment
>take a step to hand it over and suddenly feel a tingling inside my ass
>cop takes registration
>hands start getting tense muscles growing, energy rising
>realize that the creatine bag must have burst open while inside my rectum
>just as cop is about to leave, he notices me getting tense and asks me if there is something wrong
>give him the creatine eyes
>he backs up slightly and reaches for utility belt
>creatine reflexes take over as I grab his arm and yank it
>cop falls to the ground, but gets up quickly
>grabs his radio and puts it to his mouth, but I kick him with the force of a rocket
>creatine is in control of my mind and body now
>lift cop and throw him into his car
>he lies motionless as I run to the car, lift it over my head and start doing squats
>finish my set and throw it into the traffic
>feel like a train and charge onto the highway, nothing but creatine running through my veins
>wake up in a hospital with a broken arm, leg, and ribs
>the worst part is the creatine withdrawal

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